1st Week of Football Playoffs Ends With a Bang

Dude, I’m tellin’ ya…….

While me and the boys thoroughly enjoy the 17 weeks of the regular season for NFL football, nothing gets us revved up like the playoffs. Everybody is just a little more jacked and instead of focusing on several games at once, we can pour all of our intensity and enthusiasm into just one game at a time. I think I may have mentioned before how my buddy has the NFL package thru his DirectTV. And that we rig up three televisions at once to watch multiple games. Then we get a fourth game going on his TV-sized computer monitor thru NFL.com

But when the playoffs get here, all of our attention is on the same game and the same big plays. All of our commentary and insults are directed toward the same action.

So this past weekend was “Wildcard Weekend” in the NFL with two games on Saturday and then two more on Sunday. I never even left my buddy’s house. A bunch of us watched the Saturday games (along with the Blackhawks) and I just slept on his couch since the first game on Sunday started at noon. I mean, why go home late Saturday just to drive back over there for the noon game on Sunday? Instead, I just crashed over there and we hit a breakfast buffet on Sunday morning so we were all fueled up for Day 2.

The first game of the weekend looked to be the weakest of the four contests. Cincinnati Bengals vs NY Jets. Neither team is exactly an ass-kicker and neither team is flooded with superstars. So this looked to be the battle of mediocrity. However, as is often the case year-after-year, it turned out to be the second best game of the entire weekend. The Jets won it to win a date with the San Diego Chargers next week. Good luck with all that.

Then on Saturday night—-in what I thought would be the marquee matchup of the weekend—-the Dallas Cowboys kicked the crap out of the Philadelphia Eagles for the second straight week. {That was one of the really interesting things about this year’s wildcard games. Three of the matchups were identical pairings from the last week of the regular season last Sunday. The NFL schedule makers must have had Nostradamus with them eight months ago when they designed the schedule}. So this was the third time this year the Cowboys and Eagles were playing each other as they had already battled twice as division foes. Both teams have some big names. They are long-time bitter rivals who have played over 100 times throughout the years. And Philadelphia was coming off an embarrasing ass-whupping by the Cowboys just six days ago.

But apparently they weren’t that pissed as they rolled over for the Cowboys again in what was a surprisingly disappointing game.

So headed into Sunday’s action, we were in need of a nail-biting, rock-solid game. And I thought the Baltimore Ravens and the New England Patriots would provide it. I thought this would be the second best matchup behind the Eagles-Cowboys game. Again, both teams have many stars (Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Tom Brady, Randy Moss, etc). But this game proved to be pretty weak too. The Ravens jumped out to a huge lead in the first quarter and intercepted Brady three times in demolishing the Patriots. The hometown fans were booing the Patriots….as well they should have.

So the two games that had the most elite players in them and looked to be the best on paper turned out to be the least competitive. The boys and I were pretty disappointed thus far as only one game was really exciting. The insults toward Brady and Patriots coach Bill Belichick were flying.

All that was left was the Arizona Cardinals vs Green Bay Packers game. And as mostly die-hard Bears fans, we didn’t want Green Bay to win. But most of all, we wanted to finish with a competitive game. Otherwise the weekend would be rather disappointing.

The teams must have subconciously heard our gripes because they sure didn’t disappoint.

The two teams combined for 96 points and over 1000 combined yards. Both quarterbacks, Kurt Warner and Aaron Rodgers, threw five touchdown passes apiece. There was one big play after another. The Cardinals had jumped out to leads of 17-0 and eventually 31-10. But at one point the Packers scored touchdowns on five straight possessions and tied it at 45-45. They kept burning # 27 of the Cardinals—-some piece of crap named Michael Adams.

Adams got burned on at least a half-dozen big play passes from Rodgers and company. He also got called for three pass interference penalties. After one of them, he even got called for an illegal procedure penalty as he left the field by walking out the back of the end zone instead of via the sideline. None of us had ever heard that penalty called before and between the six of us, there had to be 100 years of football-watching experience in the room. The joke was that the Bears will probably be shipping a first round draft pick to the Cardinals to get this guy.

But what makes the NFL playoffs so great is the irony. After the Cardinals almost perfect placekicker missed a ” chip shot ”  field goal with 14 seconds left to win the game, it went to sudden death overtime. And the Packers won the coin toss. The winner of the coin toss wins the great majority of overtime games. And then it happened.

Aaron Rodgers faded back to pass for the Packers and was rushed hard by a little defensive back closing in quick. Michael Adams nailed Rodgers and forced a fumble that one of Adams’ teammates scooped up and rambled in for the winning touchdown. Once again, the goat of a game became the hero in one single play. Final score:  51-45  (the highest scoring playoff game in NFL history).

One of my buddies said the only thing he usually says after a shocking play {borrowing from Stewie Griffin} — ” What the deuce ? ”

I myself could only offer up my Archie Bunker quote:  ” Good night nurse ! ”

It made me think on the ride home how many movie and TV lines the boys throw out during an afternoon of football. One of my favorites is my own line that I borrow from old-time Mafia lore. I use it whenever a guy gets hurt on the field and it takes 5-10 minutes for them to get his ass off of there.

Back in the ’30s, ’40s, and ’50s, the Chicago Outfit was run by Tony Accardo and to a slightly lesser degree by his managing partner Paul “The Waiter” Ricca. It was one of the very few alliances in mob history that never resulted in a backstabbing. And the old-school Ricca never managed to conquer the English language. So whenever he approved a hit on another mob guy, he would look up and in his calm, quiet way say, ” Make-a-him-a-go-away ” .

But my all-time favorite is my brother’s line. Whenever a player gets creamed from two different directions, my brother always says,

” They Malachi’d him ! ” 

or

” They just gave him the Malachi crunch ! ”

For those who don’t know or remember, this references back to an episode of 1970s sitcom Happy Days. It was the episode where Fonzie and his girlfriend Pinky Tuscadero were in a demolition derby together. And their chief rivals were the leather jacket wearing bad boys, the Malachi brothers. And their patented move was to sandwich someone on the drivers side and the passenger side with “The Malachi Crunch”. They injured Pinky early in the demo derby with it. And in the end, Fonzie acted like his car was stalled and the Malachi brothers moved in for the kill. But right before they delivered the Malachi Crunch, Fonzie started his car and pulled away. The Malachi brothers hit each other head-on and broke their radiators (ending the derby).

So my brother uses that line 35 years later whenever a player viciously gets creamed from both sides.

God I love NFL football…….and especially the playoffs !!